I used to think TGIF was cringe as a kid, but oh boy do I say it loud and proud as a full time working adult OTL On that note, happy Friday everyone!

For those in the 25+ age bracket, a very common memory is the separation of technology from real life. Where as now tech and the internet are integral parts of day to day existence, back in the early 2000s, it was a different world. Most things were still on pen and paper in school, besides computer classes themselves, and we did a lot of writing by hand until middle school (in my case), where we’d have computer lab hours to type out essays and work on power points.

Even back then, though, when all we had was dial up internet at home, I formed a crippling addiction to computers. The dopamine hit hard for an only child raised in the countryside. The internet became my third space, and at some point, I became dependent on it for a sense of self worth and validation from peers.

As I got older, though, it felt like the culture online had changed significantly. It got a lot less fun and a whole lot more hostile. There’s only so much the human brain can take day in and day out. I realized a year and a half ago that I’d reached my breaking point and took a huge step back, pausing all my projects and vanishing.

I came back, but I realized my mental health was still as fragile as ever when I began to start putting myself back out there and trying to interact with new people. It’s scary, as always, and it doesn’t help that social apps want you to get addicted and become obsessed with how others perceive you. Getting you to play the numbers game is the whole point, and as someone who’s been playing it for a long, long time (ex: at one point, a YouTube channel a ran had 2k subs back when it was actually easy to grow online, and I’ve never gotten close since) it gets demoralizing when you just can’t ever get past a certain point no matter how much you engage. And that’s the point. It’s a whole cycle of dopamine hits and crashes. I’m over it. I want to do my art for me and whoever I happen to meet along the way that wants to be part of that journey.

So, in comes the topic of this journal: separating and detaching from social media as best I can. Still remaining active enough not to fade away, and opting for smaller sites that cater to the internet experience I grew up on. There will always be an exception or two (TikTok please don’t actually get banned), but for the most part, I’ll be sticking with Bluesky, Cara, ToyHouse, Tumblr, TikTok, and Instagram (reluctantly). Most of these sites give you options (WOW!) to view latest posts and search by tags (and it actually works, I’m looking at you Instagram, get your shit together. I only use you cuz all my friends are on there 😭).

In comes the other half of my solution: two devices. One for work and play, one for social media. I dug out my 2011 Macbook air and replaced the battery (which was inflated…so that was fun…and that was a wild ride from Lion when I reset it, let me tell you!). I also kept my old phone when I upgraded here recently. Wiped both and ta-da! total separation of doomscrolling machine vs my actual devices I use for work, writing, drawing, gaming, and web development. When it gets to be too much, the doom machines get turned off and hidden where I can’t be tempted to grab them. The next step is to curate a channel-less YouTube account purely for fun and education. Then, finding a way to block a lot of these sites on my main computer so that I can’t be tempted…

So far, what I’ve done is actually working, and I can already feel my creative drive coming back. o_O I’ve pumped out three different character designs for GodSeed, and it’s only been a few days! That’s the wild part! It turns out when you decide to stop caring about numbers and stop letting yourself spoon feed the dopamine social media offers, your mind will start to crave it in other forms. Better forms. More creative forms. When you finally break above the surface and gulp down that sweet, sweet air, you can finally breath. I’m hopeful I’ll get there. Until then, I’ll keep swimming for land. I think I can see it.